"The swing carries you, arching towards the sky, like Apollo's chariot on a bright, clear day. You swing your legs and arch your back, whooping like today will last forever and ever and ever. That was five years ago. Now, I push the swing alone and watch as its seat, once arched with your weight, returns to me empty."
Kathy, I only discovered your newsletter a few weeks ago, but the advice you share on here is already impacting the way I approach short story writing in invaluable ways. I've encountered a lot of Youtube channels and blogs that offer writing advice on big-picture elements like character, story structure, etc. but not many on sentence-level mechanics. As a short story writer, I find the advice you offer on this topic invaluable.
Anyways, thanks for this prompt! I had a blast trying out this repetition technique. :)
"The swing carries you, arching towards the sky, like Apollo's chariot on a bright, clear day. You swing your legs and arch your back, whooping like today will last forever and ever and ever. That was five years ago. Now, I push the swing alone and watch as its seat, once arched with your weight, returns to me empty."
Wow! This along with the art took my breath away and I had to run to catch it. As I ran, I felt your words running after me. I cut a corner and found my breath lying there on a heap of trash.
Can you find a distinction between “repetition” as you describe it here, and “choruses” as Gordon Lish and Tom Spanbauer teach?
They seem similar, but maybe choruses mark time differently?
Chuck Palahniuk uses choruses as scene breaks sometimes like in his novel Invisible Monsters (”Sorry Mom. Sorry God”), or Fight Club (”The first rule of Fight Club…”)
In the movie All That Jazz we see the main character Bob Fosse (Rob Schneider) run through an identical morning routine ending with “It’s showtime!” in front of his bathroom mirror…
Fosse’s repetition marks time and reveals character while doing so.
Love this comment, Paul. And thanks for reading! I love the use of Greek chorus in literature and film. The repetition in All That Jazz feels like an echo or pattern of sorts, but i am no expert on these things. Repetition is more a sentence level thing, whereas (I think) chorus is more of a narrative level tool. I agree that Fosse's echo marks time and progression. It's been awhile since I've seen that film. Is the pattern broken at some point, creating a shift? That's something fiction writers can do and certainly flash fiction writers wishing to do big things in a small space. Create a pattern, then break it, to show change. I'm going to add that to my list, actually. Thanks for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment, Paul!
THIS is exactly what I most love about SUBSTACK. Embedded jewels. Everywhere. Mostly GENEROUSLY shared. At most, $pennies a day.
Fodder - of value, regularly offered by the generous in spirit create; for the also generous in spirit and with an eye for abundance, to regularly share.
Bravo! This piece goes beyond just qualifying. Thank you for embellishing our month!
"The swing carries you, arching towards the sky, like Apollo's chariot on a bright, clear day. You swing your legs and arch your back, whooping like today will last forever and ever and ever. That was five years ago. Now, I push the swing alone and watch as its seat, once arched with your weight, returns to me empty."
Kathy, I only discovered your newsletter a few weeks ago, but the advice you share on here is already impacting the way I approach short story writing in invaluable ways. I've encountered a lot of Youtube channels and blogs that offer writing advice on big-picture elements like character, story structure, etc. but not many on sentence-level mechanics. As a short story writer, I find the advice you offer on this topic invaluable.
Anyways, thanks for this prompt! I had a blast trying out this repetition technique. :)
I'm delighted you're finding my newsletter useful, Macy! Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment here. Glad you gave the prompt a whirl too!
Is this yours, Macy?
"The swing carries you, arching towards the sky, like Apollo's chariot on a bright, clear day. You swing your legs and arch your back, whooping like today will last forever and ever and ever. That was five years ago. Now, I push the swing alone and watch as its seat, once arched with your weight, returns to me empty."
🤯
I LOVE it! —who ever’s it is 😍
Hi Paul! Yep! I wrote it in response to Kathy’s prompt yesterday. ☺️
Macy, it's SO good! I hope you keep writing into it.
Thanks Kathy! I feel encouraged by your words. Maybe I’ll try expanding it after the holidays ☺️.
You're definitely one to watch 👀
….I know I will be 😉
Aww, thanks Paul!! I started sharing fiction in my newsletter recently.
https://macyseestheworld.substack.com/p/sparrow-bones-part-i
The writing style for this piece is kinda similar to what you see here. Perhaps you’ll like this one as well 🙂.
Wow! This along with the art took my breath away and I had to run to catch it. As I ran, I felt your words running after me. I cut a corner and found my breath lying there on a heap of trash.
Romana, you must be channeling Salvador Dali with this comment. I love it! Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad you enjoyed.
I loved it and yes this work of Salvador Dali comprises a million flashes in itself.
this was a wonderful essay and great prompt, thank you for your work!
Thanks so much for reading, EJ!
Dali is one of my favorite artist.
Mine too!
Really great, Kathy
Thank you ☺️
Can you find a distinction between “repetition” as you describe it here, and “choruses” as Gordon Lish and Tom Spanbauer teach?
They seem similar, but maybe choruses mark time differently?
Chuck Palahniuk uses choruses as scene breaks sometimes like in his novel Invisible Monsters (”Sorry Mom. Sorry God”), or Fight Club (”The first rule of Fight Club…”)
In the movie All That Jazz we see the main character Bob Fosse (Rob Schneider) run through an identical morning routine ending with “It’s showtime!” in front of his bathroom mirror…
Fosse’s repetition marks time and reveals character while doing so.
What do you think?
Love your work.
Thanks again 🙏🏼
Love this comment, Paul. And thanks for reading! I love the use of Greek chorus in literature and film. The repetition in All That Jazz feels like an echo or pattern of sorts, but i am no expert on these things. Repetition is more a sentence level thing, whereas (I think) chorus is more of a narrative level tool. I agree that Fosse's echo marks time and progression. It's been awhile since I've seen that film. Is the pattern broken at some point, creating a shift? That's something fiction writers can do and certainly flash fiction writers wishing to do big things in a small space. Create a pattern, then break it, to show change. I'm going to add that to my list, actually. Thanks for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment, Paul!
THIS is exactly what I most love about SUBSTACK. Embedded jewels. Everywhere. Mostly GENEROUSLY shared. At most, $pennies a day.
Fodder - of value, regularly offered by the generous in spirit create; for the also generous in spirit and with an eye for abundance, to regularly share.
Bravo! This piece goes beyond just qualifying. Thank you for embellishing our month!
SherryTX
Sherry, this is so lovely of you! Thank you for the read and for the kind words. I appreciate your support!